'I wished she was dead': Living with my daughter's bipolar meltdowns
The New Paper
By Maureen Koh
But it's a fact, she adds. "And let me tell you, I've even wanted to kill her with my own bare hands.
"I felt that it would put Lui Lui out of her misery. I felt that if I was suffering, she'd be suffering twice as badly."
Things came to a head when Wendy, who had just got a job as a part-time data entry clerk after being unemployed for seven months, suffered a relapse at work in 2009.
Wendy interrupts and steps forward to sit with us at the small dining table. She smiles at her mother and says: "That time was terrible.
"I don't really know what happened, but I was actually quite happy at work. It was a small firm, but my colleagues were nice and friendly."
She shrugs her shoulders and adds: "One minute, this colleague was telling me how I should key in the information and the next I knew, I was accused of biting my boss.
"All hell broke loose. But I think they were more taken aback that after I did that. I just sat on the floor crying and crying non-stop."
Madam Cheong recounts how she "really lost it" that night.
The psychiatrist, whom Wendy had been seeing, recommended that the distraught mother place her daughter in the Institute of Mental Health (IMH).
"Here I have the doctor advising me to do so. At the other end, I have Lui Lui pleading with me to give her another chance," she says.
"It was hard for Lui Lui because she had been in and out of IMH. What's worse, I knew deep in my heart that the stay would help Lui Lui's condition."
That night, Madam Cheong wanted to end it all.
"I climbed over the window ledge and tried to pull my daughter over with me," she recalls with a shudder.
"All the time, Lui Lui kept promising me that she'd turn good, she'd behave and she'd not allow herself to go mad again.
"And there I was, crying and saying, 'No no you won't be able to control yourself. It's not your fault. It's your mother's fault for giving you this disease.'"
The 20-minute ordeal came to an end only when Madam Cheong's tenant returned home.