Top 8 sex questions answered
By Dr Nor Ashikin Mokhtar
We have sex once a week," one of my married patients told me. "Is that normal?"
She said that she was worried because she had heard a few friends talking about their sex lives, boasting about having sex every day, and even several times a night!
When it comes to sex, we all suffer from a bit of insecurity. We tend to compare ourselves to what we hear from friends, see on TV, or read in books and magazines.
This may sometimes help to make us feel good about ourselves, but it can also backfire and make us feel inadequate, just like the patient I described above!
With "Am I sexually normal?" and "Is something wrong with me or my partner?" being some of the most common questions asked by women, I thought I would address some of these issues in this article.
Is there such a thing as 'normal'?
There is no simple way for me to answer my patient's question because there is no textbook definition of "normal" sexuality or sex life.
Although sexual intercourse is almost like a mechanical process, consisting of several phases - desire, arousal, vaginal lubrication and orgasm - it is more than just the sum of its parts.
The psychological, emotional and social aspects of sex also contribute a great deal to making the experience complete.
That is why it is impossible to "score" sexual performance on a scale, because it is not just about making all the right moves, but also whether you and your partner are in the right mental and emotional state.
One person's "normal" will also be different from another person's. Some people experience higher sex drive than others, while some women rate their orgasms differently.
Even if you only orgasm once in a while, you may still find the entire experience of sex to be satisfying because your partner makes you feel good in other ways.
Therefore, there is actually no standard for "normal" when it comes to sex. You just have to ask yourself what you are happy and satisfied with.